Reporting that Google CEO Eric Schmidt Joins Apple Board of Directors has caused speculation that Google and Apple will be joining forces; perhaps integrating iTunes with Google Video and so on.
Through the use of little known investigative tools, this reporter has discovered that the partnership is headed in a more permanent direction. While unable to disclose my sources or methods, I can tell you that both "Gapple.com" and "Goople.com" were registered in 2004, years before this announcement. Not only is this true, but "Googlesoft.com" was registered two years earlier! Obviously this can only mean one thing: Google intends to crush Microsoft by joining forces with Apple and then, after Microsoft stock plummets, will swoop in and buy up the remnants.
That's what "they" would like you to believe, anyway. More intelligent people (that's you and me, boopy) can see behind the curtain. Or the veil, or whatever the heck they use to bamboozle and confuse us. We see through you, Google, or whoever you really are. That's right, oh mighy do-no-evil megacorp, you slipped up when you released Eric "Schmidt"'s picture with the above referenced article. If "Eric" (if that's even his real first name) isn't Bill Gates brother, I'm a washed up old Unix hack.
So, here's the real skinny: Google and Microsoft have been related by blood all along. We cognoscenti always wondered why Google was so friendly to Microsoft, the supposed "enemy". Why would the "Do no evil" company provide software that runs on the "Evil Empire" platform and delay ports to Mac? Well now we know, don't we, "Eric"? This latest move simply is infiltration of Apple's board with intent toward disruption.
It's all so clear now. "Do no evil", ha. With just a simple algorithm that I designed in a mere four hours last night, that transforms to "We do evil". I bet "Eric" will be surprised that I figured out the code, but no doubt he underestimates my brilliance.
Now that I have exposed this nefarious plot, what now? How can we protect ourselves? Rest assured, fellow aluminum skull cap wearers, I have turned my massive brainpower toward this issue and expect to have a solution soon. I have aready made progress, and can tell you that I have discovered an unknown "Open Source" operating system known as "Linux". This newcomer may be our salvation. Stay tuned for more details.
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More Articles by Anthony Lawrence © 2011-03-18 Anthony Lawrence