Choosing your perfect Operating System

Whatever your personality, whatever your social standing, there is a computer operating system that is just right for you.

For example, are you extremely good looking and almost unbelievably cool? Good, I am also. People like us should use Macs, and I don't mean iMacs or iBooks. A Macbook is the minimum computer anyone of our status should consider, and really we deserve a MacBook Pro or MacBook Air. Nothing else carries the same cachet , nothing else speaks to our superior genetics in quite the same way, and anything less would only detract from our well chilled uber-coolness. By the way, the important thing here is ownership: you don't need to USE it; carrying it around is quite sufficient.

Perhaps instead you are frighteningly intelligent? Excellent, as that happens to describe me also. People like us need to run Linux, and I do not mean simply having some Ubuntu desktop available to log in to. Our Linux should be a server OS, locked down so securely that even we have trouble logging in and are prevented from changing anything if we do manage to gain access. Our Linux usage should be painful and difficult: nothing worth doing is easy. Can you sneer at less committed Linux users? If not, practice in the mirror until you get the proper amount of disdain. Remember, you must express an appropriate amount: extreme disdain for Windows users, pity for Mac users, and light disdain for desktop Linux folk (after all, they ARE trying!).

Are you good looking AND intelligent? Oh, we have so much in common! If you want, you can buy a MacBook, MacBook Pro or Air and install Linux on it! Alternately, keep OS X and have the Linux on a server. Remember, your Linux has to make Bastille Linux look insecure by comparison. Being good looking doesn't absolve you of all responsibility!

Do you like to march to the beat of a different drum? Do you like the music to stay recognizably consistent? My friend, you are made for BSD. Your reaction to all other users should be a half smile and a softly whispered "It's all about security.." . Practice letting your voice trail off at the end and then raise your eyebrows slightly.

Are you insane? Or masochistic? Fortunately for you, SCO Unix and SCO Unixware are still available for purchase starting at only a relatively non-nominal amount of hard-earned money. SCO Unix may also be right for you if you are deeply sentimental and long for the early 90's - things were so much simpler then, right? Practice this in the mirror: "Some things never change!"

Do you like antiques? You can find hardware that will run CP/M, TRSDOS and AmigaOS. You can buy Radio Shack Color Computers still and play games that were almost state of the art when first sold!

Are you argumentative? Do you like shelling out a lot of money for hardware and software and then defending your over-spending as justified? You are well suited for Windows Vista or Windows 7. You need to practice your sneers also. Remember to mix in utter puzzlement for Mac owners and a deep suspicion of stupidity and/or socialist leanings for the Linux folk. I know that's hard to convey in a sneer - that's why you need to practice!

If you happen to be good looking, argumentative AND insane, you can install Vista or Windows 7 on a MacBook of your choice. If you are really crazy, try installing SCO 5.0.7 and post your complaints to a Linux newsgroup.

Perhaps you are none of these things? Do you apologize for your computer ineptitude? Does every question you ask concerning your computer begin with "This is probably a stupid question.."? You'll be quite happy with Windows XP or even Windows ME. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE VISTA! By the way, you don't get to sneer at anyone, sorry.

Whatever your choice, remember to defend it proudly.

Click here to add your comments




Tue Mar 10 23:26:35 2009: Subject:   BrettLegree
http://6weeks.ca

Well then, I must be extremely good looking, unbelievably cool, and frighteningly intelligent...

I think I'll point the IT guys at my workplace to this post. I'm not sure if they'll read it though, as they tend to apologize for their computer ineptitude and start every question with "This is probably a stupid question..."



Tue Mar 10 23:34:03 2009: Subject:   CorkyAgain


Über-cool and following a different drummer, that's me.

But it's not so much about the security as it is about the elegance...



Wed Mar 11 02:38:56 2009: Subject: I'm all the above!   jtimberman
http://twitter.com/jtimberman

Heh - Windows isn't necessarily expensive for those who are frighteningly intelligent. Total hardware cost for my home theater PC + HDTV is less than an equivalent Mac desktop *without* a display. Software cost was $120 for OEM Vista Home Premium (included in total). I primarily use free programs, with a preference to open source. I find Media Center is actually quite good, despite DRM, "it just works".

My one exception for software spending is Turbo Tax. Its deduction maximizer pays for itself, so it's almost free.

Of course, I'm a gamer too, so I do pay for games, but I'd end up spending a lot more money on console games, since they're generally $10-30 more than the same game for PC.

That said, the home theater system is my only Windows computer. My work system is a MacbookPro. I use various Linux servers for work too, and I have a Linux server at home. Windows has its place: in the living room running games and media. Linux/Unix for real work.



Wed Mar 11 10:07:04 2009: Subject:   TonyLawrence


But I HAVE to pick on Windows. It would suck the joy right out of my life if I didn't say something cruel about Windows regularly.



Wed Mar 11 11:04:33 2009: Subject:   NickBarron


If I could read about people picking on Windows my morning would be less appealing ....



Wed Mar 11 12:17:18 2009: Subject:   BrettLegree
http://6weeks.ca

Most days I don't even have to pick on Windows, it does such a good job of embarrassing itself I can just sit back and laugh.

Windows is like the bumbling friend on most sitcoms...



Wed Mar 11 21:01:24 2009: Subject:   BigDumbDinosaur
http://bcstechnology.net

Obviously I don't fit any of the above profiles -- my username says it all!

That said, I'm not sure how I'd fit into this equation. In my office is my trusty SCO box, running 5.0.7 and in service since August 2000, another box running SuSE Linux, a third box running Window$ -- and a Commodore 128D simulator (I don't have the actual hardware) for when I'm feeling nostalgic. I've never owned a Trash-80 or Apple 8 bitter, but did "own" a system whose principal human interface device (to borrow a term from Micro$oft) was a model ASR-33 Teletype. Dunno whether all this makes me as intelligent as A. Einstein or dumber than the most recent denizen of the White House.

---

Control Spam and Viruses

Run your own mailserver

---

Thu Mar 12 18:20:51 2009: Subject:   TonyLawrence


Surely you can't mean Obama? I understand that your political leanings don't match my delight at his presidency, but he's certainly one of the brightest people we've had in a long time.

I find it refreshing to listen to someone who actually is intelligent - so unlike that dope who preceded him.



Thu Mar 12 19:35:51 2009: Subject:   BigDumbDinosaur
http://bcstechnology.net

...dumber than the most recent denizen of the White House.

That should have said "the most recent past denizen." Damn keyboard isn't typing what I think! <Grin>



Thu Mar 12 19:44:29 2009: Subject:   TonyLawrence


That makes more sense :-)

Don't miss responses! Subscribe to Comments by RSS or by Email

Click here to add your comments

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a Gravatar

Jump to Comments

Many of the products and books I review are things I purchased for my own use. Some were given to me specifically for the purpose of reviewing them. I resell or can earn commissions from the sale of some of these items. Links within these pages may be affiliate links that pay me for referring you to them. That's mostly insignificant amounts of money; whenever it is not I have made my relationship plain. I also may own stock in companies mentioned here. If you have any question, please do feel free to contact me.

Specific links that take you to pages that allow you to purchase the item I reviewed are very likely to pay me a commission. Many of the books I review were given to me by the publishers specifically for the purpose of writing a review. These gifts and referral fees do not affect my opinions; I often give bad reviews anyway.

We use Google third-party advertising companies to serve ads when you visit our website. These companies may use information (not including your name, address, email address, or telephone number) about your visits to this and other websites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services of interest to you. If you would like more information about this practice and to know your choices about not having this information used by these companies, click here.