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Wise Alex was once Just Plain Alex, an ordinary fellow, beginning what promised to be an ordinary life. He was not a man of Prospects, not a man of whom the world expected Great Things. He was just an ordinary man.

We do not know how Alex became Wise. We could point to possible influences, but we do not know for sure that Alex was exposed to these influences. Our lack of certain knowledge is darkly amusing in this context, for Alex became Wise when he discovered that there is no Certain Knowledge.

We have no knowledge of the day, the circumstances, or Alex's reaction to his awakening. We can imagine, though. Perhaps it went something like this:

Imagine Alex (not Wise Alex yet, but close, oh so close) amusing himself with the ancient question "Is There God?". As an ordinary person, not blessed with the holy fire, he probably said "I don't know".

That could have been the end of it, friends. Unknown to Alex. he was at a cusp, as the astrologers say. He was at a turning point, a crux, indeed, Alex was hovering just excruciating seconds away from the knowledge that would change his life! It is somewhat horrifying to think how easily this could have been different: the passage of a pretty girl, a sudden headache, even a simple sneeze could have been enough to distract Alex's mind, and who can know if he ever would have returned to these thoughts?

But those things did not happen. Alex's mind turned, slowly, as we imagine it, toward the Futility of Knowing. Perhaps even as the dim thoughts began to form in his mind there was still time to be distracted, still an opportunity to lose the thought forever, but this did not happen either, and like a padlock snapping into place, Alex's concentration clicked upon the Impossibility of Certain Knowledge and in that blinding, dizzying moment, he became Wise.

"We cannot know if there are Gods!". Alex rolled the thought in his mind, imagining himself addressing some damn fool who would dare assert otherwise. "All things are possible, therefor nothing is impossible". Wise Alex savored the imaginary moment in his mind. "Do you even know that Reality is actually what you think you perceive?" Wise Alex finished with a mental flourish that sent his imaginary opponent scurrying for cover.

Do not imagine that all of Wise Alex's skirmishes were conducted in the theatre of the mind, however. No, Wise Alex found real application for his wisdom, and used his lines at parties, in impromptu conversations, and he polished his lines, and took great glee at the sometime consternation of those whose faulty thinking he corrected, and secretly basked in the admiration of those who immediately grasped and embraced his point.

Wise Alex was indeed a happy man. He had a confidence that those of lesser inspiration can never gain. He had a conversational weapon that he could bring to bear in almost any argument, and, all the better, it was an irrefutable argument, an argument that with which Wise Alex could batter almost any position, and yet, most beautifully of all, it was not really a confrontational argument. One would have to be extremely fundamental in their thinking to be truly offended by it; most folks of normal intelligence would merely say "Ah, well, *that's* true enough.", and Wise Alex secretly and privately purred in satisfaction.

Then, one Dark Day, a Barbarian appeared. Unshaven, tattered of clothing, unkempt of hair, the Barbarian spewed invective and profanity from his foul mouth, and callously said "There ain't no gods".

Wise Alex smiled his inward smile. "Easy Pickings, this", he thought. "Prove it.", he sallied, feeling smug and invincible. And why should he not? The Argument had never failed, had it?

But the Barbarian did not Play Fair. Being uncouth, unschooled, and unversed in the finer points of Gentlemanly Debate, the Barbarian ignored Wise Alex's challenge, and instead proposed that Mickey Mouse was not merely the celluloid expression of a cartoonists imagination, but was instead a living, breathing being of a species not yet determined (Magnus Talkus Mouseus, perhaps?). The Barbarian then crudely asked if Wise Alex was equally unsure of that proposition.

Ah. This does present a problem. Wise Alex is not a fool. Wise Alex knows damn well that no 5 foot high talking mice are present in any reality that Alex has lived in. More to the point, Wise Alex knows damn well that such things aren't going to pop out of the sky, either. But on the other hand, the whole premise of his Argument is that all things are possible, and nothing can be disproved. If this is true, then Wise Alex can't very well say "There ain't no Mickey Mouse" (not that Wise Alex would stoop to such cretinous expression; this was merely done as a sort of poetic reference to the crudeness of the Barbarian).

We wonder if there was an inner struggle here. There had to be, we think, because Common Sense would have been loudly squeaking at the door of Wise Alex's most Inner Chamber, and Common Sense can be damn annoying at times like these. But on the other hand, the habits of a lifetime of firmly entrenched, and when those habits have gained positive reinforcement over years of expression, well, it's like bubble gum in the carpet: you *can* get it out, but it's not fun. Wise Alex looked at this particular wad of Bazooka and told Common Sense to shut it's fat little yap.

"I cannot know whether or not Mickey Mouse is real", Wise Alex said.

We have to admit he carried it off well. There was no hesitation, no hint of inner doubt. We're certain that he had Common Sense trussed up in ropes, handcuffed, gagged, and stuffed in a closet, but still, the little bugger must have been banging his feet against the wall like crazy. That's pure supposition on our part; we couldn't hear a thing.

The Barbarian, crass, uncaring lout that he is, merely snickered.