A.P. Lawrence Home

More Humor

Dear Kevin and Deb

Congratulations on Deb's coronation.

Did I say coronation?

I meant confirmation. Or maybe it was concordance. Catastrophe? No, that couldn't be it. Ooh, ooh, I know! She's finally going to be coordinated! You must be so happy!

Oh well, although we'll miss the reception (you *could* mail us some of the finger sandwiches), we will be there in spirit. Well, honestly, we'll probably be eating dinner, or getting ready for bed, but we promise to think of you earlier in the day. Maybe while we're at the gym. Is that OK? I mean you guys won't even be awake yet, but who knows how long it takes for well-wishes to travel cross country? Gosh, for all we know, it could be days, even weeks. Maybe we should start thinking about this every day to be sure our spiritual with-you-ness is really with-you when it needs to be. But if we do that, there will be all this left over with-you-ness arriving either too early or too late, and it's not like you can store the stuff in buckets till you need it, right? No, with-you-wishes don't keep well at all.

If the kids were young enough, you could pawn the left overs off on them, but your kids are old enough to be wise to the old left-over-with-you wish tricks. You hate to just chuck them out with the trash (the wishes, not the kids), and I bet not even Seattle has decent recycling of well-wishes yet, so like most of us you'll probably just tuck them away in an drawer with some old socks and stuff, and personally both Linda and I find that highly insulting considering how much effort we went to be thinking of you at the appropriate time.

So, in retaliation, we're going to tuck your invitation away in some old drawer with a whole bunch of pencil stubs and rubber bands and keys that nobody knows what they unlock.

Someday, when we're even older and more doddering than we are now, we'll clean out that drawer, gaze blearily at the invitation, and mutter "Debby who?". In spite of that, we'll know that we apparently found the news exciting enough to have saved it. If we're still alert enough to realize that, of course.