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The Holy Book of Spam, thought to have been lost, has been discovered. Written in crayon on the backs of matchbooks, some scholars initially suspected a forgery. However, carbon dating proved almost conclusively that the matchbooks were every bit as old as the Shroud of Turin.

I have come into possession of these books and have begun the arduous task of translation from the original Esperanto. Certain atheistic, pinko, commie loving libertarian child molesting aclu member whackos have questioned my methods, suggesting that Esperanto was not a language in the 5th millenium B.L.C (Before Last Christmas). I say to them "Prove It!", and "What's your Point?", which I think settles the matter.

Other scholars, with leftist pinko libertarian aclu leanings, have made a big fuss about the "fact" that none of the matchbooks contain a complete word, at most there being three to four letters, and sometimes only one. They also point out the complete lack of capitalization, and suggest that it is anyone's guess as to the proper order to arrange the books so as to spell out words. I hasten to point out that not one of these so-called scholars has an IQ of 3,987 as I do (proven by my taking over 50 separate intelligence tests, and adding the results). If they had half my smarts, they'd know how to arrange the matchbooks themselves, but they don't, so, jealous little pissants that they are, they attempt to smear *my* work.

I think results speak volumes. No person who isn't a sicko aclu baby-killing jew-lover queer sympathising leftist pinko commie libertarian democrat free thinker atheist dirtbag fool can read the Holy Book of Spam and not immediately realize that this is a Divinely Inspired Work. The charges that I have copyrighted the material and intend to make money fleecing gullible religious morons are outrageous, laughable, sick, perverted and only partly true.

Her Holy Pinkness has spoken to us in the Book of Spam. The Secrets of the Universe are within for all to read (there is a small extra charge for certain secrets. Your credit card can be billed in six easy installments).

Universal Truths do not come among us often, and almost never combined with the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a PROVEN multi-level marketing plan that is 100% legal in many of the countries this post will reach.

You *could* read the Books for yourself, and I have published four of them at http:/Personal/Humor. However, if you, like most of us, are stymied by big words and long sentences, you might just want to consider that the Holy IPU is just as pleased as punch that I've put those books there where anyone can read them OUT OF THE GOODNESS of my heart, and someone who's made the IPU happy deserves what they can get, so why don't you sit down RIGHT NOW and make out your first check for $59.95 and sent it along to me. Then, each and every month, you send me another check for $59.95 and if enough of you do that, I can translate Book V, and the Holy IPU will be even more joyous and perhaps she'll bless you in some unspecified way and change your life.