- Religion related:
- ------------------
- The Fantome Scientists
The Fantome Scientists, The Shiny Ones, Solving Tomorrow's
Problems with Yesterday's Religious Thought, Someday. Fantome
not only died for your sins, but she gave up her place in
Heaven for you (or somebody). Gawd loves the faithful,
but He loves the faithless more, for the faithless require
no Heavenly Real Estate.
- The Trinity Explained
Gawd is Omni-everything and Very Shiny. Gawd is the Creator,
He who gave life to us all. Gawd is vengeful, petty, jealous,
ignorant, vain, nasty, cruel and hateful. However, He is so
full of boundless Love and Forgiveness that none of that matters
as long as you spend your entire life worshipping Him.
- The IPU Lives!
May the Invisible Pink Unicorn defecate upon your shoes, for it is written
that only then may you enter the Kingdom of Heaven and ride the Holy Camel
Beasts throughout all eternity.
- Instruction Page
Not intended for use on advanced, civilized populations. This
material is specifically designed for back-water, primitive cultures
who exhibit dangerous agressive tendencies or general sub-standard
intelligence.
- Squatting for Jeezus
Anyway, a while back we all discovered our shared belief in
Jesus, our Lord and Saviour, so we started doing these little
half hour prayer sessions after our workout. You know, Jesus
is the buffest dude of all, and any time is a good time for
prayer, and we all just thought it was a Cool Thing to do.
- The Great Trolls
I do observe many of the ancient rituals. When crossing
a bridge on foot, I do pinch my nose shut, cup my groin, and
close my eyes. I do this more out of respect for our shared
beliefs than from any fear that I will offend a Troll sleeping
below...
- The Warden Part 1
It was a warm August afternoon in Usenet Forest. The Electronic Sun
tickled the virtual leaves of the virtual trees, a virtual breeze
whispered happy electronic thoughts, and the Warden and the Weasel
were lolling about in a clearing, happily engaged in a game of
checkers...
- The Warden Part 2
"I seek Tony, not you" intoned Warden, quite pompously. "However, I
have some Words to spare for you as well". And with that he reached
into his pouch and withdrew a half dozen finely polished Morons and
strew them at Bill's feet...
- The Ten Commandments
The Man's hands were shaking and his tongue could not work. He
opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. Finally,
eyes winced against the inexorable results, he spoke: "We are
to have no other gods before Him." He closed his eyes and
waited for the Fiery Breath to consume him...
- The Spam Project
Universal Truths do not come among us often, and almost
never combined with the opportunity to get in on the
ground floor of a PROVEN multi-level marketing plan
that is 100% legal in many of the countries this post
will reach.
- The Book of Spam
In the beginning, there was Spam. No Light, no Dark, only Pinkness
and Spam...
- The Book of Spam II
Then Mo-hab was very old, and his staff would not rise and
his seed would not flow and he was weary. Beth-she-dah came
to him and made to lay with him, but he would not. And Beth-she-dah
came again to lay with him, but he would not. Each night for
forty nights, and each morning for forty mornings, Beth-she-dah
came to lay with Mo-hab but his staff would not rise.
- The Book of Spam III
And Paul warned them of the locusts and the floods, and
other dire consequences, but the Balthazites said to Paul
that they had survived locusts, and had survived floods,
and did not need an Invisible Pal.
- The Book of Spam IV
And Eleanor told them that she was not a virgin, and had lied
to Paul. And the people made to stone her, but Paul bade
them stop, and said that Invisible Pal was speaking unto him
even now, and Paul closed his eyes so that he could hear
Invisible Pal the better.
- The Battle of Usenet Forest
And from the North was approaching the most awful sight
to behold: a fully equipped Pascal's Wager, spewing
Death and Destruction from above upon the hapless atheists
in its path...
- Adam
Anyway, Adam now was congratulating himself on all the splendid
political moves he had made, killing that one, and making
friends with the other one, and setting these two on each
other's throats, and he was telling God all about it...
- Reply to Clarence
So here's what you do, Clarence. First, there will be some who will hear
your message. Gather those close to you, and seek others. You'll need
a place to bring everyone together in God's Love; fortunately real estate
prices are pretty depressed right now (God puts opportunity in your path,
Clarence, it's up to you to see it!) so you should be able to purchase good
amounts of space for cheap money...
- Spaghetti on the Plate
In the Beginning, there was the Void. Inexplicably enough,
there was also God. How this came to be is best left for
another time, when you are in a mental state more conducive
to the imparting of such information...
- Pascal's Wager Revisited
Anyhow, straight off I asked him if he was saved. I figured I knew
the answer already, and sure enough, the geek is an atheist. I almost
puked...
- The Deal
"So I have to die for their sins?", he asked for what must have
been the fiftieth time. God was still patient, though. "Yes,
that's the plan. Again, you don't have to do this. There
are other plans, other methods, but..".
- The God Soaker
Historically, Holy water has been difficult and expensive to obtain.
The light sprinkling attained in the average church visit is hardly
sufficient to obtain real health benefits. Unfortunately, to
guarantee a reasonable supply, one would have to study for years
and actually become a priest...
- Catch 22
In the Gentlemen's Agreement, Gawd stipulated that he had in fact
deliberately set up what is now called a Catch-22. By designing
us to be highly sexual, and yet at the same time treating matters
of sexuality as sin, the Product (that's how the GA refers to us)
finds itself between a rock and a Hard Place...
- The Nit
A new creature has recently appeared in Usenet Forest. It's
scientific name is believed to be Clueless Twit Huffmanus, but
commonly it as known as the Nit...
- Wise Alex
Imagine Alex (not Wise Alex yet, but close, oh so close) amusing
himself with the ancient question "Is There God?". As an ordinary
person, not blessed with the holy fire, he probably said "I don't
know"...
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- Nudist related:
- ------------------
- The Awning
I have a fatalistic attitude toward trailer awnings. I have seen
too many distorted frames, too many ripped and tattered remnants
flapping in the breeze to believe that the gods are in favor of
the deployment of these sun screening devices...
- Moving a Deck
There was a minor obstacle: a 30 foot Holiday Rambler that, although its
owners had moved on, still sat rather solidly in the site of Rob and June's
Ideal Spot...
- Men at Work
Whenever there is something to be built, men strap on tool belts
and demonstrate their innate engineering ability. Power tools
are brought out for admiration by other men, tape measures
are bandied about, and sometimes there is even spitting...
- Bill's Diary
Did I say nice??? Boy, did I have the wool pulled over my eyes!
After taking a few pictures (in which I was just *incredibly*
cute), these s.o.b's stuffed me back in my travel bag UPSIDE
DOWN with my poor nose jammed into my journal...
- No Sex at the Beach
Our bedroom is not large, but there is ample room for three adults
to stand at the foot of our bed. We have tentatively set the
price for this position at $28.00 per adult...
- Who's a Pedo?
This is a fun game for three or more players. The rules are
simple: using snippets of conversation, guilt by association,
misdirection, or even out right lies, each player attempts to
prove that another player is a Pedophile!..
- Whipped Cream
We immediately ran to the club management and brought them forthwith
to the scene of the incident. Well, it did no good whatsoever. The
children were completely clean, there was no whipped cream in site,
and the garden hose was innocently coiled as though it had never
been used for anything but its legal purpose...
- Girl With A Shovel
Their daughter was busily engaged in digging a trench that had
started at her mother's head, came around Dad, and was now proceeding
down in front of him...
- The Bull
The restrooms are now in sight, a few dozen steps away. Coming
out from the shelter of the cabins into the more open space
I must pass, I suddenly find myself face to face with another
living creature who has also risen early: the bull from
the neighboring farm...
- Playalinda Poster Boy
Linda was dubious. I really think that she likes to scrub, that
there is a personal satisfaction she obtains from directly attacking
the offensive dirt and mildew.
- Misc.
- ------------------
- Trouble with Modems
The bane of my life is RS-232 communication. This one area
has caused more wringing of hands and tearing of hair than
anything else...
- A Day in the Office
"Hi there, Tony, this is Bruce Wondersell from Big Sell
Distributors. I understand you are pretty active in the Unix
market."..
- Congratulations
I meant confirmation. Or maybe it was concordance. Catastrophe?
No, that couldn't be it. Ooh, ooh, I know! She's finally
going to be coordinated! You must be so happy! ..
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