Quick question - any ideas?

I hate the phrase "Quick question". I also dislike "any ideas?" at the end of a long description of a problem, but I think "Quick question" deserves even more nastiness.

First, it almost never is a "quick question" at all. A quick question is something like "You want fries with that?" or "You want me to plug this in?" The implication of "quick question" is that the answer should be as quick or quicker than the asking - in other words, "yes", "no" or something equally pithy.

The person who prefaces their tech plea with "quick question" is hardly ever asking that sort of question. OK, maybe sometimes, and I'll forgive the phrase when it fits, but mostly it's "Quick question - my network is down - any ideas?".

All right, yes, I earn a good part of my living from my ability to construct theories from scattered clues. When I hear "Quick question - the network is down", dozens of images flash before my eyes, dozens of other networks that went suddenly "down". That set is intersected with what I suspect the caller probably would have realized without calling me, and further intersected with what I may already know about their equipment, topology and software, and hopefully that leaves me with a small set of possibilities. But there's nothing necessarily quick about it, and I probably need to ask more questions myself.

I suppose I could be a wise guy: "Quick question - my network is down" tempts a response of "Quick question - is the switch plugged in?" but no, I can't do that. These are paying clients, right?

But regardless of the financial reward attached to "Quick question", I still curl the corners of my mouth inward ever so slightly when I hear it. If the explanatory phrase is then followed by "any ideas", I have to restrain myself from barking back something unfriendly.

Yes, I'm a grumpy old fart, but so what? I've paid my dues, and have a right to mutter under my breath, talk to myself, and speak disparagingly about anything at all.

What's this all leading up to? Why, it's a nice link I found today about writing good email. The author isn't quite so grumpy as I, but close, and deservedly so. Too many people write awful email.

The worst email I can imagine is one that begins with "Quick question", rambles on incoherently for several pages, and ends with "Any ideas?". No doubt it will be sent with a blank subject just to further obfuscate its meaning. Unfortunately, I get those fairly frequently.

If you are guilty of the email transgressions covered at that link, please do take the lessons to heart and improve your skills. All your correspondents will appreciate it. I know I will.

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Wed Nov 2 15:10:53 2005: Subject:   BigDumbDinosaur


The worst email I can imagine is one that begins with "Quick question"...

I like the messages that have Help! in the subject line, and then proceed to outline a "problem" that Simple Simon could solve -- if only he were sufficiently motivated to engage brain and make a little effort. These messages fall into the same category as the "Quick Question" models.



Wed Nov 2 18:49:55 2005: Subject:   Dean


Quick Question; What's the meaning of life?

What you're missing there is that is in fact a quick question... They're not saying "Hey, quick answer to this question..." So, technically, they're right... It is a quick question. "Any ideas?" That's pretty damn quick. ;) Now it's your job to give them a long and overly technical answer and make them think about it for a few days. Either that or say "Quick Answer: No."





Wed Nov 2 19:28:37 2005: Subject:   TonyLawrence


OK, but I think the implied thought is "This won't take up much of your time, so I don't expect to pay much or maybe anything at all".

I don't *really* get mad at people who say that, but I do always mentally hold my breath and wonder what's about to be said..



Mon Nov 7 10:55:09 2005: Subject:   Dean


I'm just giving you a hard time Tony ;)



Mon Nov 7 11:27:35 2005: Subject:   TonyLawrence


I know :-)



Mon Nov 7 15:03:56 2005: Subject:   BigDumbDinosaur


Hey, Tony! I have a quick question for you. What is the meaning of life? <Grin>



Mon Nov 7 15:45:30 2005: Subject:   TonyLawrence


Dean beat you to that :-)

But I do have a quick answer: there is no meaning. That doesn't prevent us from enjoying it, though.

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Mon Nov 7 20:46:29 2005: Subject:   anonymous


The 7 and 1/2 million year answer to that question is always 42.



Mon Nov 7 21:00:04 2005: Subject:   TonyLawrence


Assuming you have expressed gratitude for the fish, yes.

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